Unlocking Your Child's Inner Motivation: How the Enneagram Transforms Coaching
By Coach Toni Sinclair | Humans Being Free
As a coach with over 35 years of experience working with young athletes, I've learned one fundamental truth: sustainable motivation comes from the inside out. You can push, encourage, and reward all you want, but lasting transformation happens when we understand what truly drives each unique individual. This is where the Enneagram becomes not just helpful, but revolutionary in how we approach youth development.
What Is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is an ancient personality system that identifies nine distinct types, each with their own core motivations, desires, fears, and ways of seeing the world. Unlike other personality assessments that simply describe behaviors, the Enneagram reveals the "why" behind what we do—our deepest motivations and the patterns that shape our choices.
For young people still discovering who they are, this self-knowledge becomes a powerful tool for building authentic confidence and making aligned decisions.
Why the Enneagram Matters in Youth Coaching
In my resiliency sessions, 1:1 coaching, and racquet sports lessons, I work with incredibly diverse young people—each with different learning styles, motivations, and emotional needs. What inspires one teen might completely deflate another. What builds confidence in one child might create anxiety in another.
Traditional one-size-fits-all coaching approaches miss this crucial reality: we're not all motivated by the same things.
The Enneagram helps me see each young person as they truly are, allowing me to:
Personalize encouragement in ways that actually land
Identify what drains vs. energizes each individual
Create type-specific strategies for building resilience
Understand fear patterns that might be holding them back
Align goals with core motivations for sustainable progress
When coaching aligns with who someone actually is—rather than who we think they should be—transformation becomes natural instead of forced.
How I Use the Enneagram in Sessions
Understanding Core Motivations
Every Enneagram type has a core motivation that drives their behavior. When I understand what truly matters to a young person, I can help them set goals that feel authentic and exciting rather than imposed from the outside.
For example:
Type 3 (The Achiever) thrives on success and visible progress. In our sessions, we might:
Set clear, measurable goals they can track
Celebrate achievements and milestones regularly
Focus on skill improvement and mastery
Use their natural competitiveness in healthy ways
Type 7 (The Enthusiast) is motivated by joy, variety, and new experiences. For these young souls, I might:
Plan flexible, dynamic sessions with variety
Incorporate playful rewards and fun challenges
Allow them to explore different aspects of the sport
Keep energy high and sessions feeling like adventures
Type 9 (The Peacemaker) seeks harmony and often needs gentle encouragement to assert themselves. With these gentle spirits, I focus on:
Creating a peaceful, non-pressured environment
Helping them find their voice and preferences
Celebrating their progress without comparison to others
Building confidence through gentle, consistent support
Type-Specific Strategies for Resilience
Resilience doesn't look the same for everyone. The Enneagram helps me understand how different types respond to challenges and setbacks:
Type 1 (The Perfectionist) needs help releasing self-criticism and embracing mistakes as part of growth
Type 2 (The Helper) learns to focus on their own needs, not just supporting others
Type 4 (The Individualist) discovers that their uniqueness is a strength, not something that separates them
Type 5 (The Investigator) is encouraged to move from observing to participating
Type 6 (The Loyalist) builds trust in their own decision-making abilities
Type 8 (The Challenger) learns to access vulnerability alongside their natural strength
Daily Practices Tailored to Your Type
One of my favorite applications is helping young people discover meditation and daily practices that actually work for their personality. Not everyone finds peace sitting still in silence—and that's perfectly okay.
I've written extensively about "The Enneagram of Sports" and how movement-based practices can serve different types:
Some types need vigorous physical activity to quiet their minds
Others find meditation in repetitive drills or flowing movements
Some connect spiritually through competition
Others through collaborative play
Understanding your child's type helps us discover their personal pathway to inner peace, confidence, and authentic self-expression.
Getting Started: Discovering Your Child's Type
I recommend the EnneaApp (available on the App Store) as a wonderful starting point. In just 15 minutes, your child can discover their likely type through an engaging, age-appropriate assessment.
Once you've explored the results together, we can dive deeper in our sessions to:
Discuss what resonated and what surprised you
Explore how their type shows up in sports and life
Develop personalized strategies for motivation and resilience
Create a coaching approach that honors their authentic self
The Enneagram isn't about putting anyone in a box—it's about understanding the unique lens through which they see the world, so we can help them thrive as exactly who they are.
Real-World Impact: When Coaching Meets Understanding
I've watched transformation happen when young people feel truly understood:
The Type 4 teen who thought she was "too sensitive" discovering that her emotional depth is actually her superpower
The Type 8 athlete learning that vulnerability doesn't equal weakness
The Type 9 child finding their voice and preferences after years of going along with others
The Type 3 achiever learning that their worth isn't tied to performance
When we understand the why behind behavior, we can address root motivations rather than just surface-level actions. This creates lasting change that extends far beyond our time on the court.
Beyond the Court: Life Skills Through Self-Knowledge
The Enneagram insights we explore in coaching sessions ripple into every area of a young person's life:
Better communication with family and friends
Authentic goal-setting aligned with their true desires
Healthier responses to stress based on their patterns
Deeper self-acceptance and confidence
More effective study and work habits tailored to their type
This self-knowledge becomes a gift they carry forward into adolescence, young adulthood, and beyond—a compass for making aligned decisions and understanding themselves with compassion.
The Invitation: Coaching That Sees Your Child Completely
At Humans Being Free, I don't just teach racquet sports or build resilience through generic strategies. I see each young person as the unique individual they are, with their own motivations, fears, dreams, and ways of moving through the world.
The Enneagram is one of many tools I use to create personalized, transformative experiences where young people discover not just athletic skills, but authentic confidence, emotional intelligence, and unshakeable inner strength.
If you're curious about how Enneagram-informed coaching could support your child's journey, I'd love to explore this together. Download the EnneaApp, spend 15 minutes discovering your child's type, and let's talk about what you find.
Because every young person deserves to be coached in a way that honors exactly who they are.
Ready to explore Enneagram-informed coaching for your child?
About Coach Toni
Coach Toni is a former Division I athlete, certified Enneagram practitioner, and holistic wellness coach with 35+ years of experience in youth development. She specializes in personalized coaching that blends racquet sports instruction with mindfulness, nature-based practices, and Enneagram insights to help young people discover authentic confidence and emotional freedom. Serving families in Tucson, Arizona through Humans Being Free.
